A Few Simple Guidelines For Workaholics
This morning, when I walked downstairs, I was greeted with something that melted my heart. It was a note neatly placed on the sofa where I usually sit to start my day in prayer, written and placed by Jacob last night. And it brought me to tears!
Jacob's note neatly placed on the sofa for me to find in the morning.
Here’s the story…
I’ve been working a lot at home in the evenings lately. The last week, in particular, I’ve been burning the midnight oil working on personal and ministry related projects. I’ve been putting some refining touches on this blog site. I’m trying to get another site and project related to marriage up and running. And we also switched platforms for our church website recently and I was troubleshooting a podcasting issue. And I was doing all of this on my laptop from the kitchen table. And my personality is one that tends to drown myself in the work at hand because I can go 6-8 hours straight without getting up, going to the bathroom or realizing that I had nothing to eat. Good luck trying to talk to me about something when I get in one of these zones. I’ll nod, but nothing’s registering upstairs. And the casualty of all this good work that I’ve been doing is my family.
The boys have been crying out for attention and I’ve been brushing it off so easily because I felt like what I was doing was so important for our family and personal goals. It’s sad to admit, but I barely heard any of those cries as they were happening. As I think back on last night, Jacob came multiple times to the kitchen table and was doing things right next to me. He even asked me why I wasn’t cutting his fingernails, which is strange for him because he’s a recovering nail-bitter =). Now that I think of it, I remember him saying that he was going to write me a card and that I would get it when I wake up. I have mental snapshots of Christopher glancing up from playing with his toys or watching his tablet and looking in my direction. And Jenny asked me a couple of questions that I don’t remember right now =(.
So, when I finally got upstairs last night, Jenny was almost asleep but she got back up and we ended up talking for a bit. And one of the things I shared with her was my guilt for not spending quality time with the family in the evenings this past week. And I made a decision to do better.
Our loved ones, especially our kids and our spouses need two very important things from us: attention and affirmation. Children need to genuinely feel that their parents are interested and observant of their world, and that they approve of them as individuals and support the things that they do. When children are doing things, one eye is on the thing that they are doing and the other eye is always on the parent, checking to see if the parent is watching him/her doing whatever it is at the moment. Kids know if we’re interested in them. And so do our spouses.
Early on, I made a decision to put the electronics and other distractions away each evening and spend at least one uninterrupted hour with the kids. Whether we were wrestling on the floor, drawing pictures hand-in-hand or doing the silly things that kids love so much, I focused on them. Last night’s talk with Jenny and especially the tear-jerking letter left for me this morning were a much-needed reminder to set proper boundaries around my work, while not losing productivity, and be in the moment with my wife and kids.
We don’t accomplish more by bringing work home. Not only do we over-stress our bodies, we deplete our emotional reservoirs and gouge our families of life-giving affection and time.
Here are a few simple guidelines for workaholics (and you know who you are):
1. Get enough rest! If we’re habitually tired, our capacity to focus shortens and shallows, leading to less productive hours during the day.
2. When you are with family, be with them. People know when we are physically present but mentally checked-out. Most projects will not suffer if shelved until the morning. Actually, that mental break will likely enhance creative thinking and result in more productivity.
3. Stop bringing work home! We usually do this because of habit, not necessity. Break the habit!
4. If you work from home, set healthy boundaries around your work time and space. If your workspace is in a high-traffic area of your home, you will be prone to drop into your work too frequently. Rethink your desk placement and move it to a less visible place, if possible.
5. Start tonight! You don’t need a long warm up or running start. Today, at day’s end, leave the undone work on your desk so that you can do it tomorrow. Go home or go out and spend time with the people that are important to you.