One Very Flawed, But Pervasively Believed, Thought About Marriage

I love marriage. I love family. I say that personally (thinking about my wife and kids) but I also say that objectively (thinking about marriages and families in general). It's because I believe that strong and healthy families are what build a vibrant and healthy future. The home is the most powerful incubator of optimism and talent. Schools and teachers, playgrounds and friends, and workplaces and colleagues/bosses all have powerful voices and play crucial roles in our development, but home life is our genesis and benchmark.

Our potential is not confined to our parents' belief (or lack thereof) in us and we are not defined by who they said we were (or were not); but what they believed about us and what they said to us made an indelible mark—a mark that we are spending our energies trying to erase or enhance.

I guess this is why young adults are deeply on my heart. They, as the next generation of parents, are given this amazing gift (their kids) and tool (home life) to shape our future society in the most direct and powerful way. The strength of their marriages and the values they live out will ultimately unfold in the conference rooms, school boards and political seats of the ensuing decades.

So, your marriage matters! What you do in the home matters!

And because many marriages and families are started without adequate preparation or support, I want to share my small voice to offer encouragements and insights for this absolutely worthy journey. For this post, let me shed light on one very flawed, but pervasively believed, thought about marriage.
 

Dangerous misconception:  I'll have a great marriage if I marry the one

We wrongly think that two people standing on a marriage altar who love each other (and we might even describe them as "soul mates") is reason enough for them to get married and will be sufficient to build a strong marriage and family. This fairytale idea blinds us and sets us up for serious disappointment. And the rude awakening usually comes sooner than later.

We realize that meeting and marrying the one didn't put the marriage on autopilot to bliss and success; and we find ourselves in a confused and bitter tailspin much too soon, sometimes right out of the gate. 

Truth is: Great marriages are not the result of marrying the one, but built through daily acts of love and sacrifice. Feelings of marrying the one might have gotten two people to a marriage altar, but it will certainly not be enough to build their marriage life going forward. Great marriages don't fall into our laps pre-made; they are built brick by brick, one act of love and service after another.
 

So here's my advice: Express your care and love frequently in small ways

Don't try to impress in big displays that are few and far between (i.e. going on extravagant dates or giving expensive gifts); rather show it through daily thoughtfulness (i.e. speaking kind words, doing unappreciated chores, and giving small—but thoughtful—gifts).

When you wake up each morning, spend the first few moments and ask yourself one question, "How can I make my spouse's life a little bit better today?" And then do that little thing that day.

Those big expressions have their place, but cannot be a substitute for daily thoughtfulness. Happy brick-laying!